Fleur de Lis SF is a blogger I met at the Ynot Summit in San Francisco. She is a sex blogger. In fact she was named San Francisco’s sluttiest blogger. She is a niche writer who decided to do a version of a 365 blog in which she documented her sexual exploits for a year. Her writing is both provocative and thought provoking. I asked her to share her thoughts about being a successful niche blogger.

“I think that sometimes I still giggle when I tell people that I am a sex writer. I still wonder what people first think when I say that. This is mainly due to the way their eyes dance when I say it. If you had asked me two years ago how I got to be a sex writer, I would have thought you were crazy. Some people know that they want to be an artist from a young age.

I was not that person. My ambitions were to be an attorney. I have a degree to Political Science, with a concentration in Pre-Law. I came to SF for law school and somehow I turned out to be a sex-writer.
The whole story is simple and crazy all at once. Last year at Pride I was invited to a sex party called Kinky Salon, and suddenly I realized that people in SF lived out loud. I had always been kinky, but I was in the closet about it. Looking back though, all of the signs were there. I loved playing rough in bed for as long as I can remember. Blindfolds, scarves, handcuffs, rope… didn’t everyone fuck like this? Sex parties were not something that was new to me. What was new was the fact that it was out in the open. I have always been a storyteller, and I still tell a good story live, but writing became my outlet. When I first started the blog there was no goal, only an idea.

I was just very happy with all of the information that I found, and all of this freedom I had never possessed. It’s amazing when you are allowed to live your life. There is a peace that comes with it. Then I started to really investigate all of the sexual sub-cultures in San Francisco. The blog evolved on its own. I lead it but I had no idea where I was going. Fetlife introduced me to people locally that did all of these sexy things. I met a woman named Lady Ripplee, who is a fem dom. Meeting Ripplee was the beginning of my fall down the rabbit hole. Until I met her, I had not seen the hole in the ground. I was walking, but I had no idea where the road was going.

Ripplee introduced me to a lot of things. She topped me for the first time and I wrote about it. Basically, I tried everything I could sexually and documented it. That was when the idea to document my life and the sexual sub-cultures in San Francisco for a year began. Things were set in motion and once I fell down the hole, I didn’t look back.

Honestly, I was amazed at all of these options. I began to realize that sex is so different to so many people. The lines of sexuality are blurred, and there is a way to embrace all of it.

I began to meet people from all sorts of walks of life, and I began to interview more people in the sex community. During this I was bestowed the title of San Francisco’s Sluttiest Blogger by the SF Bay Guardian. Suddenly I was a sexpert, and I was moving in circles I did not know existed. I have continued to be a sex writer, because I think it’s important for the world. I think that too many people still have serious issues with sex. Part of why I try as much as I can sexually is to let people know what exists for them out there.

So many of us still live in this delusion that if we like something sexually that is not “in the norm”. Being tied up, being peed on, role play, that it is kinky and weird. It is probably something they have not shared with their partners. My job is to tell you it doesn’t make you weird- it makes you human.

Sex is not black and white. Most people have some defined fetishes and things that attract them sexually, whether they admit it or not. The most shocking thing for me about all of this writing is the response I get from people. People- all sorts of people- email me. I am half sex writer, half sex therapist. What’s funny is how many people ask me for advice on their own sexual issue. I am not a therapist. I have not been trained in any of these things. But, I do understand human behavior and I have a very good read on energy. What everyone has in common is this: they just want to be understood. They want to talk to someone who won’t judge them. Someone who will listen to whatever kinky thing is going on in their mind without making it shameful.

Fleur De Lis SF was a name that was born from something I heard a long time ago. I wasn’t just a sex-writer anymore; I was a brand. I was learning how to be a writer, and learning how to get my message out to as many people as possible. The internet has been amazing, and it was the last place I ever thought my livelihood would come from. I am continuing to learn the business side of my art. I will be writing a book all about this year, and I’m hoping that it will reach a group of people that perhaps don’t live on the internet the way most of us do. Mainly, I want Fleur De Lis SF to be a brand about tolerance, freedom, and reinvention.

This project became my business, and in a certain way my legacy. It is an ongoing education, and I am thankful for all the help I have gotten along the way. The community has been essential in my staying afloat. So when people ask how I got to be a sex writer, I still don’t really know how to answer that. I think I am much more than a sex writer, and I hope that all of this helps people become more sex-positive and more self aware.  We must eradicate the shame that comes with sex.

It really does such a detrimental thing to our culture and our sex lives. The world would be a better place if we all accepted just how important sex is for a healthy life. When I have sex, it is one of the few things I do where my mind is simply at peace. Our bodies are playgrounds, if you think about it. So much of us is made to be pleasured. We are made to make our bodies make us feel good.

I mean, why do we masturbate? Because there is something about the sensation of cuming that is captivating. My head goes back, my eyes shut and roll back, my voice has a tremble of its own, my body starts to quiver, and everything just goes soft. My mind shuts off, and all I can concentrate on is what is happening to my body at that moment in time. It’s a religious experience if done correctly. Sex is a time and place that allows your body and your mind to wander for a while. I am so grateful to have spent the last year of my life being a sex writer. It was also incredibly cathartic to have a year devoted to my sex life and my sexuality. I understand my body better, I understand myself better, but, most importantly, I found out that I am not alone.

I have made amazing friends in the sex-positive community, and I bet wherever you live has one of it’s own. You just have to look. Be brave and be ready to make your life your own.”

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To read more of Fleur de Lis, visit her blog. You can also follower her on Twitter at @fleurdelissf